Things Make Make You Go "Hmm": This New 'X-MEN: APOCALYPSE' Trailer

Things Make Make You Go “Hmm”: This New ‘X-MEN: APOCALYPSE’ Trailer

By Jarrod Jones. Two ideologues, in an eternal struggle for righteousness. A sullen kid in shades, terrified of the power crackling behind his eyelids. A scarlet-haired telepath, relentlessly tormented by visions of doom. Yup. Certainly looks like an X-Men movie, all right.

The latest trailer to Bryan Singer’s X-Men: Apocalypse is here in all its mopey glory. Released just one week before Warner Bros’ Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Therapy hits theaters, this glowering, dull trailer to Apocalypse will serve as audiences’ essential dose of Xanax just moments before Batman and Superman undergo their allegory of fascism, or whatever. (I would have said Klonopin, but y’know. “X”.)

With a palette of grey and schmutz that would make Zack Snyder jealous, excusing the occasional splashes of bronze (where a shirtless Oscar Isaac doth lie), Apocalypse appears to be living up to its title, where an omnipotent, god-like mutant (Isaac) heralds the end times with his Four Horsemen of Apocalypse. (Michael Fassbender’s Magneto leads the charge with Olivia Munn’s Psylocke, Alexandra Shipp’s Storm, and Ben Hardy’s Archangel.) There’s a severity to this thing that seems to be in keeping with the last X-Men flick, only with a 100% less bare-assed Wolverine.

That’s all good stuff, but there’s something oddly amiss here — with Fassbender’s Erik Lehnsherr and James McAvoy’s Charles Xavier biffing the iconic lines that once belonged to Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen in Singer’s X-Men, coupled with complete recastings of almost every single mutant featured in that film (whaaat, no Toad?), one can’t dodge the feeling that we’ve all come full circle since Singer super-charged all this Marvel movie mayhem way back in 2000. (Which is strange, because I thought we’d already did that with 2014’s Days of Future Past.)

You know. Jubilee is supposed to be in this thing, and her adorably loud costume and jangly earrings appears as though she might conflict with all this doom ‘n’ gloom — maybe they should have waited to include her for the inevitable Nineties installment of Bryan Singer’s X-Men saga, tentatively titled X-Men: PG-13.

‘Apocalypse’ has the sads May 27.