By Jarrod Jones. If you ever wanted to see what a room looked like with all the energy sucked out of it, strap in. Outside of visiting a funeral, you’re about to get your chance.
It was yet another playful day in MTV.comLand, where super-cute movie stars Emma Stone and Bradley Cooper fielded questions about Aloha, a film destined never to be seen by anybody despite the fact that it stars Emma Stone and Bradley Cooper. And, as per usual, when a star is in front of a MTV camera for longer than ten consecutive seconds, someone asked them whether or not they may be in a superhero movie. Only this time the results were more disorienting than usual, because the question involved the possibility of Emma Stone portraying the ever-popular Spider-Woman Gwen, and who the hell ever heard of such a thing.
The video begins after the deed has already been done (in this case, that “deed” being a “completely unnecessary question, you dork”), leaving a particularly froggy Emma Stone alone in attempting to mask her confusion as to whatever the hell a “Spider-Gwen” is. “I’m not sure,” Stone said with a pensive look upon her face, presumably wondering whether she would have time later to make it upstairs to her hotel room in order to gargle with sodium bicarbonate, because this throat isn’t going to heal itself and there’s at least five more of these assholes I have to deal with.
And while Stone obviously had no idea what the hell a “Spider-Gwen” was, making matters worse was a rather playful Bradley Cooper, who had enjoyed two large almond lattes in the hotel café only a half hour earlier. “Why is it ‘Spider-Gwen’?” Cooper asked, vocalizing the thoughts of countless millions worldwide. “It’s not called ‘Spider-Peter’.” And we all acknowledged how correct Rocket Raccoon was, as he continued the morning shilling for a Cameron Crowe romantic/drama/comedy about people who fall in love in Hawaii instead of allowing his co-star to warm the hearts of so many people for five fucking seconds.
“I am Spider-Gwen,” Emma Stone said, and in spite of dumb-head Bradley Cooper, we all nearly believed it.
