By Matt Fleming and Jarrod Jones. This is the ANTI-MONITOR podcast, where we’re the Juggernau–okay, we’ll shut right the hell up. This week, Jarrod and Bird dust off an episode recorded six weeks ago, timed for the release of ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’, ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’. The boys discuss the progressively incoherent X-Men franchise, and how ‘The Last Stand’ should have been Fox’s last shot at ruining the Dark Phoenix Saga.
But first, they discuss the then-news of DC Films’ widely-reported restructuring, following the abysmal critical performance of ‘Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice’. Set your mental clocks for six weeks ago, and it will all make perfect sense!
As always be wary for any spoilers throughout, and please enjoy.
ANTI-MONITOR: MATT — There are more problems with X-Men: The Last Stand than there are sticks to shake, and there is a lot of blame that can be thrown toward Bryan Singer, the man who initially led comics’ favorite mutants into the filmic canon. When Singer left the franchise, his intention was to reinvigorate DC’s greatest hero, but his decision wound up leaving comic fans in the lurch. Enter Brett Ratner, the fly-by-night director best known for making sure Jackie Chan understood the words coming out of Chris Tucker’s mouth. It’s safe to say the guy just didn’t get the X-Men.
With X-Men: The Last Stand, fans got let down in the worst ways. Marvel Comics’ iconic Dark Phoenix saga was butchered beyond belief, leaving geeks lamenting the end of X2. Easily the worst X-Film (neck and neck with Origins: Wolverine), this entry managed to make multiple beloved characters into normies while simultaneously offering a well-below subpar Juggernaut. X-Men: The Last Stand was so bad that Fox had to dedicate an entire time-travel movie to the idea of erasing it from their timeline. If only they could erase it from my memory.
ANTI-MONITOR: JARROD — Never before have I felt more retroactively betrayed by a movie’s title. X-Men: The Last Stand set the lowest of bars for the X-Men franchise, to say nothing of superhero films in general. (Though Birdy’s right — that only remained true until Origins shit the bed.) It’s a film that makes me look back on 20th Century Fox’s entire X-output, to find that after all these years, I just really don’t like any of these ding-dang X-Men movies. (I guess we’re cool, Deadpool.)
After revisiting X-Men: The Last Stand, I have never wanted a title to be more true. Had this flop come across our screens in 2016, you better believe that Marvel Studios would be pounding at Fox’s gate to get their mutants under that big red tent. As much as I actively disliked Apocalypse, The Last Stand remains far more abysmal, if for no other reason than it made me feel like a fool for investing so much of my hopes into these silly-ass superhero movies. What makes it even worse is it seems I still haven’t learned my lesson.
CONSENSUS: X-Men: The Last Stand stands with Spider-Man 3 and Batman & Robin as the prime examples of what not to do with your successful superhero franchise. — 2 out of 10
Before: “‘The Winter Soldier’ Is The Best Marvel Film To Date”, here.
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